tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32115640524719028752024-03-08T11:44:11.079-08:00Zen and the Art of CompartmentalizationWelcome to my journey thought balancing all that comes with a family, a career and a little one with hypotonia.What is Hypotonia? It essentially means that Sam's muscles contract very slowly in response to stimulus, thus contributing to important motor delays. But this is not a blog about hypotonia or a search for a diagnosis, but a place to share my thoughts on this journey of hope, love and inspiration.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17042217093709889725noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3211564052471902875.post-40680543182257416812015-05-10T19:39:00.002-07:002015-05-10T19:39:59.684-07:00The Dance of Life
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></b> </div>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since this journey of special needs has begun, everyone has had some advice
on how to overcome this <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>personal
struggle; my friends, family,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>colleagues, therapists, the Indigo Girls. It often <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>goes a little something like<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>" live in the present, focus on the
positive, " or "the less you seek your source for some definitive,
the closer you are to fine..."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well
as much as I love that song, I still sometimes want to "wrap my fear
around me like a blanket and sail my ship of safety till I sank it" (cue
Indigo Girsl chorus).<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="verse" style="background: white; line-height: 150%; margin: 1em 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Recently, one of my
dear<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>old friends wrote me some beautiful
words worth sharing: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>" we may lose
ourselves in our pain, but we find ourselves in our strength. It's the dance of
life and the music never stops". These words resonate strongly with me.
Life is hard, but even in the darkest of times there is light and there is
music. You <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>just have to open your heart
and listen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So while my days of clubbing and
2 am pizza with my girls may be long gone, I still got some moves. They just
mostly involve throwing my 1 yr old and 3 yr old in the air with my husband in
our weekly dance parties. Sam may not walk yet, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but he sure loves to dance. No<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>matter how bad our day was, we let the music
heal our wounds and wash away our worry. For those 5 minutes, we get lost in
the present, forgetting the past and the future. For those 5 minutes, we smile
until our cheeks burn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For those 5
minutes we let our boys laughter<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fill
our hearts, until they<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>almost burst with
happiness and gratitude for all that we have.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don't have to tell you that
being a parent is hard and at times you may not even recognize your life or the
person you have become; <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so take the time
every day<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>as a family to lose yourselves
in a<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>moment and remember that it's the
little things in life that matter.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"</span></span><a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/waynedyer173500.html?src=t_dance" title="view quote"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the
floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way.</span></span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 18.7pt; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<a href="http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/wayne_dyer.html" title="view author"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: windowtext; font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wayne Dyer</span></span></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17042217093709889725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3211564052471902875.post-20988206752864521742015-05-01T12:23:00.000-07:002015-05-01T12:24:41.532-07:00Zen and the art of Compartmentalization<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After 15 months of devoting
every waking (and sleeping moment) to my son, I go back to work Monday; I go
back to my "other life", back to attempting to balance my career and
my family. I won't lie this terrifies me, as I don't know if I fit into that
"other" world anymore. So bare with me <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>will you, as I delve into a cliché <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>"who am I" Zoolander moment. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You see I am a lot of people:
I am a Mother ( a damn good one I might add) to a rambunxious 3 year old and an
angelic hypotonic 1 year old who has different needs. But I am also a wife, a director
of environmental affairs and an MBA candidate (on hold for the moment). Oh and
in my "spare time" I am also a sister, a daughter, a friend and a rock
climber. In addition to these more generic titles, I have also been the
outgoing smiley one and the type A Nerd (with a capital N). I have had my heart
broken (the "I will never love again" kind of heartbreak) and I have
broken hearts. I have held my children and laughed till my cheeks burn and I
have cried till my heart aches. I have been vulnerable and scared and I have
been ambitious and strong.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I ask again "who am
I".... This is not a rhetorical question, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>seriously, "who am I" and how for
the life of me do I reconcile <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>all these
different facets of myself? Anyone? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well
according to Google, to reconcile oneself means to " make compatible,
harmonious or consistent". If only it were so simple Google, if only it
were so simple...<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> So a</span>s I return to "other world", I will
have to navigate these muddy waters carefully; lining up the little versions of
myself, like little Russian nesting dolls, fitting the little ones (sister, daughter,
rock climber, friend) into the bigger ones (director, wife and mother): practicing
what I will call "Zen and the art of compartmentalization". <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">You see Google, the beauty is
that in the end we are all tucked harmoniously inside ourselves, existing
simultaneously, each version making us <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>exactly into the person we are supposed to be.
</span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #181818; font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 13pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My best advice is to be yourself. Unless you’re
psychotic, then you might want to try a different tactic.” <br />
― </span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2812835.Gwen_Hayes"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gwen Hayes</span></span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">,
</span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/13103408"><span style="color: windowtext; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So Over You</span></span></a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17042217093709889725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3211564052471902875.post-7574234137873011942015-04-01T17:44:00.000-07:002015-04-01T17:44:47.008-07:00Lessons from my boys
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have
learned more from my boys then I have in my own 34 years of life. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In their
young age they have shown me that first and foremost I am a mother, this is
what defines me. Not my job, not my past. Being a mother is my single greatest
achievement, it is what gives my life meaning and guidance. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They have
shown me that I am strong and that despite the bad days, when the stress and
anxiety about Sam become so unbearable and everything seems to be crumbling
around me, I will wipe away the tears and I will carry on. Not because I am
brave but because I am a mother. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know
there will be more bad days ahead, but my boys have shown me that it's okay to
cry. Crying does not make me weak, instead my struggle makes me human and with
each tear I wipe away, I become a stronger and better mother.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am not courageous,
I am a mother, a mother of two <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>amazing
boys who remind me every day to live in the present. This is the single most
important lesson they have taught me; and when you don't know what the future
holds for your family, this is the only truth that matters. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sam is
delayed because he has not reached his milestones on time. Abandon the notion
of time, and Sam is a normal, happy, smiley baby. After all, he has his whole life
to learn how to walk, to run, to talk. At a young age, children have no notion
of the past or the future, they only understand the present.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In his
innocence Sam does not know that he is delayed and Loic does not know that his
brother is different. He does not ask me why his brother is not yet walking, he
loves him for who and how he is, no strings attached. Their innocence
transcends all notions of time, rendering expectations meaningless. All that
matters is the here and the now! Wouldn't we all be a little happier if we
could see the world through our children's eyes?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I am a
mother, my days revolve around time (exercise time, nap time, play time, bath
time, story time and bed time) and my thoughts revolve around<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my children's future. I cannot abandon the
notion of time but I can reshape my focus, my attention and my perspective. With
Sam, all we can do is wait and see...but I plan on making the best of this
waiting game. Time will not be my enemy, I will befriend time, tame him and I
will enjoy every precious day, hour, minute and second of this life; because let's
face it at the end of the day, time goes by too fast!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #676767; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">“Happiness,
not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”<br />
― Walt Whitman<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17042217093709889725noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3211564052471902875.post-8021179696774760752015-03-30T12:01:00.003-07:002015-03-30T12:01:42.897-07:00All the small things
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">When
you have a hypotonic child, its the small things that count. Its not about the
big accomplishments, milestones go out the window. Its all about the
milistones, its all about the small things. For months I have been waiting for
Sam to crawl. When it dint happen by his first birthday, i was devastated and a
little bit of hope dissapeared. I have since tried to eliminate expectations,
not to say I dont hope and pray that he will walk one day (not tomorow, maybe
not in a year, but one day he will ) cause I pray every second of every day,
with every kiss and hug; I have just stopped putting him on a timeline and
started appreciating the small things. The new noises (no words yet), how he
engages with his environment, playing catch with me, laughing, how quick he can
put himself in sitting position when he wants to. He may have not learned any
new skills this week but he is getting better at some and this is what I hold
close to my heart... the small things...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="background: red; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-highlight: red;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17042217093709889725noreply@blogger.com0