Lessons from my boys

I have learned more from my boys then I have in my own 34 years of life.

In their young age they have shown me that first and foremost I am a mother, this is what defines me. Not my job, not my past. Being a mother is my single greatest achievement, it is what gives my life meaning and guidance.

They have shown me that I am strong and that despite the bad days, when the stress and anxiety about Sam become so unbearable and everything seems to be crumbling around me, I will wipe away the tears and I will carry on. Not because I am brave but because I am a mother.

I know there will be more bad days ahead, but my boys have shown me that it's okay to cry. Crying does not make me weak, instead my struggle makes me human and with each tear I wipe away, I become a stronger and better mother.

I am not courageous, I am a mother, a mother of two  amazing boys who remind me every day to live in the present. This is the single most important lesson they have taught me; and when you don't know what the future holds for your family, this is the only truth that matters.

Sam is delayed because he has not reached his milestones on time. Abandon the notion of time, and Sam is a normal, happy, smiley baby. After all, he has his whole life to learn how to walk, to run, to talk. At a young age, children have no notion of the past or the future, they only understand the present.   In his innocence Sam does not know that he is delayed and Loic does not know that his brother is different. He does not ask me why his brother is not yet walking, he loves him for who and how he is, no strings attached. Their innocence transcends all notions of time, rendering expectations meaningless. All that matters is the here and the now! Wouldn't we all be a little happier if we could see the world through our children's eyes?

But I am a mother, my days revolve around time (exercise time, nap time, play time, bath time, story time and bed time) and my thoughts revolve around  my children's future. I cannot abandon the notion of time but I can reshape my focus, my attention and my perspective. With Sam, all we can do is wait and see...but I plan on making the best of this waiting game. Time will not be my enemy, I will befriend time, tame him and I will enjoy every precious day, hour, minute and second of this life; because let's face it at the end of the day, time goes by too fast!

“Happiness, not in another place but this place…not for another hour, but this hour.”
― Walt Whitman

All the small things

When you have a hypotonic child, its the small things that count. Its not about the big accomplishments, milestones go out the window. Its all about the milistones, its all about the small things. For months I have been waiting for Sam to crawl. When it dint happen by his first birthday, i was devastated and a little bit of hope dissapeared. I have since tried to eliminate expectations, not to say I dont hope and pray that he will walk one day (not tomorow, maybe not in a year, but one day he will ) cause I pray every second of every day, with every kiss and hug; I have just stopped putting him on a timeline and started appreciating the small things. The new noises (no words yet), how he engages with his environment, playing catch with me, laughing, how quick he can put himself in sitting position when he wants to. He may have not learned any new skills this week but he is getting better at some and this is what I hold close to my heart... the small things...